Good!
by mousestalker
Summary: Neria Surana solves a mystery. Rated 'M' for a reason. This story was inspired by a prompt over at kmeme:


They lay there gasping in the afterglow. Some terror earlier, the adrenalin rush of battle, some wine and a need to find out if you are still alive are powerful aphrodisiacs. Their love making had been fierce and passionate. Neria lay beneath her panting lover and then he rolled to her side.

"So what's it like?" The mage's voice broke the moment.

"That was amazing." the templar gasped.

"I agree, but what's it like for a man?"

"It's good. Sex is good."

"What's an orgasm like?"

Alistair's brows furrowed. "Good!"

"Could you supply some more detail?"

"Really good?" he ventured.

"Alistair!"

"I'm tired. Great sex, long day, battle." he murmured. She could feel, if not hea,r his light snores. Later she would hear them. Neria sighed. She knew from past experience there was little she could do to wake him. She lay in the afterglow, then searched for her cloth. Men were just maddening.

There was little chance to talk until night. When the two Grey Wardens retired to their tent, she tried again.

"So how does an orgasm feel to you?"

"It's good."

"Care to supply any details?"

Alistair could tell she was getting annoyed. He didn't have a clue why. He was rapidly getting used to that state of ignorance. He tried again.

"With you, it's really great!"

Neria gave up. She would have to try a different approach. Perhaps she could ask one of the other male companions. The problem is that Oghren and Zevran would both take it as a pass. She might be able to word her request so that Zevran wouldn't. But was it worth the risk? Wynne, Morrigan and Leliana were all safe to ask, but being women they likely didn't know the answer. Then she remembered Sten. He had no interest in sex with humans. Neria left the tent.

"Sten?"

"Yes, kadan?"

"What is sex like for a man?"

"I do not know"

"You don't know?"

"No."

"Thank you"

"You are welcome kadan."

Neria left the giant and headed for Zevran. This was going to be tricky.

"Zevran, may I ask some advice?'

"Certainly. How may Zevran help you?"

"You know that Alistair and I are..."

"Gray Wardens? Fearsome fighters? Rugged slayers of darkspawn?"

"Together. Committed. To each other."

"Yes, I have observed that."

"He' s a dear, dear man, and I very much want to make him happy. But he isn't very loquacious, so he may lack the words to answer a question of mine. I'm hoping that you might be able to answer it as you have excellent verbal skills." She figured flattery never hurt anyone.

"Ask and I will try to answer. You have aroused my interest."

She came close to reconsidering, but the die was already cast. She sighed.

"Zevran, what is an orgasm like for you?"

He smiled "You have both been discussing my orgasms? How delightful."

Neria began rummaging through her memory for transformation spells. She had never done one, but turning her fellow elf into a frog was really tempting right now. Maybe a cold spell...

Zevran looked at her face and relented. "It's good. If you care about the person you are with it can be great."

Neria looked at him. What was it with men?

"Thank you." She gave him a slight mock bow.

"My pleasure." He smiled genially at her.

Oghren was drunk. That was normal for him. She could also tell that he was close to passing out. If she were going to ask, this was the perfect time to do so. He wouldn't be able to do anything if he took it for a pass and he probably wouldn't remember the conversation in the morning. Even if he did remember, he'd likely attribute it to the drink.

"Oghren"

"Hello ol' buddy, ol' pal, besh frenz in the wurl." He smiled up at her.

"I like you too. What's an orgasm like for a guy?"

"Itsh good. Wif Branka it wazz great!" He slumped over, out for the night.

Her timing had been perfect, even if his response was inadequate.

She would have to use a different approach.

=0=

They were finally back in Denerim. Arl Eamon's palace was amazing. She had always heard of the lap of luxury. Now she knew what was meant by that. She and Alistair had an entire room to themselves. The bed was obscenely decadent. The real feather down pillows were the single best things she had ever slept on. Neria discovered that she could have any treat she wished by the simple expedient of asking the steward. Weeks of thought had solidified a plan in her mind.

In the end, she had in fact asked her female companions. Morrigan asserted that her lovers had all answered "Good" before they died. Wynne had answered the same, with a great deal less mortality involved. Leliana had replied that hers had said "Bon, c'est bon." which was different, in a way.

Something else Leliana had mentioned had planted the seed of a plan in Neria's mind. Now that they were safely ensconced for the moment, she obtained some simple supplies from the steward. He had initially balked at providing her wants, stating that the servants here in the palace would do the tasks themselves, but when Neria mentioned what they were for, he had the oddest expression, as though she had tweaked a memory of his and then agreed to provide what she wanted with a smooth countenance.

She smiled. Everything was ready. Alistair bustled in just then.

"Are you going to dress for dinner?" he asked, looking at her silk dressing gown.

"I thought we might dine en chambre, as the Orlesians say."

"But I'm hungry. You know what an appetite Grey Wardens have."

"Alistair, have you ever had a fondue?"

He paused. "I've heard of them. Isn't that the Orlesian dish with...melted cheese?" His face had a dreamy expression.

"Exactly. The Orlesians think fondues are especially appropriate for lovers. Which we are. I was thinking of a nice romantic fondue here by the fire."

"Ooooh, sounds lovely."

It was the work of minutes to stir the pot. There were chargers of pieces of bread, carrot, pieces, apple slices and chunks of turnip. She added some more wine to the pot and cooled it with a spell. The burly man removed his armour and hurried to sit beside her. The smells of clean templar, scented fire and cheese were causing her to get a little giddy herself.

She poured Alistair a glass of winter wine and gave it to him with two long forks.

He accepted the wine, but looked at the forks curiously. "What are these for?"

"You spear the bread or the veg with one and then dip it into the cheese. When it has enough cheese, pull it out, let it cool a bit and enjoy. If you drop the food into the cheese, you have to pay a penalty."

"A penalty? What's the penalty?"

"You have to kiss everyone at the pot."

"That almost makes it worthwhile then."

Neria glared at him for an instant, then laughed. His face went from sheepish to relaxed as he laughed with her.

An hour or so later of leisurely dining she judged the moment was ripe. She had been lacing the pot heavily with wine. She was also plying him with wine. Alistair wasn't a heavy drinker, but between the alcohol based cheese sauce and his drinks he was pretty thoroughly drunk.

Se moved behind him and began to massage his shoulders. His muscles were firm and massive. Even after an evening's relaxation he was still pretty tense. He sighed contentedly as they began to unknit a bit.

"What's it like when you have sex?"

"I focus on the act itself, everything centers on my cock with waves of pleasure." He spoke as if from within a dream, with almost a sing song cadence to his voice. "Even when I'm fighting I'm never so concentrated as when we fuck."

She paused when he used the f-word, then resumed, afraid he would snap out of it.

"The waves grow more intense. I have to be careful because if I go too fast I come before you do and then I'm spent for a while, Gray Warden stamina or no. Eventually I judge the moment right and let myself go. Everything comes together in one rush of pleasure, quite intense and then the moment passes. It's like I'm completely there, but not there at all. It's selfish and selfless at the same time. My eyes are dazzled by the light of a thousand stars and my ears are filled with a rushing sound. My nose smells everything around me. All my senses are overloaded at that moment."

She kneaded his back. He fell over with a happy grunt and fell asleep.

Neria sighed. She had gotten an answer, but now she was stuck with a very large man on the floor. She rose and covered him with a quilt from a chest. She slid into the very large bed and lay there for quite a while before she slept as well. He did have an adorable snore.

The next morning she had just woken up when Alistair stirred beside her. Sometime in the night he had joined her.

"Good morning!" She said brightly.

"You are a cruel cruel woman" he moaned.

"I think maybe I used too much wine in the cheese sauce. You passed out and I couldn't shift you."

"That was very good, that fondue."

"You did eat quite a lot of it. But you didn't make much sense at the end."

"I think I'd like some more later. Much later. Maybe in a few weeks."

"Shall we go to breakfast? Busy day!" she replied cheerily.

Alistair just moaned.

After breakfast he approached her with a worried look. They were walking down the main hall heading for the Landsmeet.

"I have something important to ask you."

Neria paused her movements. "What's on your mind?"

He had a worried expression. "I just think I remembered something. Last night..."

"Yes?" Neria tried very hard not to smile.

"Did you ask me about..."

"Yes?"

She noticed the two guards were looking impassively straight ahead.

"About orgasms. Mine in fact."

"Yes." Neria stated.

"What did I say?"

"You were most informative. Thank you for telling me."

"You're having me on. I never would, I mean I didn't..." He looked stricken.

"Light of a thousand stars..." She responded and the resumed walking.

"Oh Maker..." Alistair moaned. He followed after her.

Neria couldn't be sure, but she could almost swear the guards both whispered "Traitor" as Alistair passed.

The Landsmeet went better than they could have hoped. Loghain was slain and Anora was arrested. Alistair would be king. Just as they were leaving, the men adjourned to a separate chamber. The door was sealed and the new king exited shortly shamefaced, his head hanging low. The other men looked stern and angry.

Walking back to the palace, Neria put her hand in his. "I love you, you know."

He looked grateful, but said nothing.

"What was that all about?"

"They revoked my man card."

"They what?"

"They revoked my man card. They tore it into tiny pieces. I can't have another one for five years."

"Your man card?"

"Yes."

"You're kidding."

"No. Look I don't want to talk about it anymore." Alistair had never sounded so determined and so dejected.

She let the matter drop and they returned to the palace in silence. He never let go of her hand.

=0=

Epilogue

They were fighting for their lives at the gates of Denerim. The Darkspawn were coming in endless waves. Their stench was incredible. Neria's 'warden sense' was overwhelmed by the sheer quantity of enemy. She fought alone and she fought together with her companions. By happenstance she found herself by Alistair when an Alpha Hurlock led a war party across the bridge. Her mana was low and she was mostly using her sword to conserve what she had left.

Alistair looked exhausted as well. The Darkspawn were not very powerful individually but there were just so many of them. They braced themselves for the charge. The Hurlock roared. Its lesser brethren surged ahead. Then it happened. The Hurlock saw Alistair and paused in recognition. Neria couldn't be sure, but she thought it said "Traitor!" before it charged them. Alistair's shoulders slumped and she wound up having to kill all the band before he regained himself.


End file.
